Emison: Baby Come Back
by Emison's Wheatley
Summary: Two years after Charlotte was revealed as 'A', the girls all went their separate ways and Ali stayed behind in Rosewood. A tragic event brings Emily back to Rosewood. Will Ali be able to save Emily from herself? Will the two soulmates finally get their happy ending together? #Emison #Endgame
1. Prologue

**A/N:** **Hello! This is my first Emison fanfic, I don't know if it will be any good and I don't expect much of a response. If anyone at all is interested in it, review and I will continue it. I was born in Britain, so the spelling and grammar is that of British English.**

 **Premise:** **Two years after Charlotte was revealed as 'A', the girls all went their separate ways and Ali stayed behind in Rosewood. It is canon up until just before Archer Dunhill came to work at Welby as Elliott Rollins (I will definitely not involve him in the story AT ALL), Doctor Sullivan is Charlotte's doctor and Alison has been in love with Emily for as long as she can remember; she didn't act on her feelings after the events of 6x10 because she thought Emily deserved better and needed to move on from Rosewood.**

 **If anyone is interested (I doubt it), my Twitter username is Wheatley WheatyNewToTwit**

 **P.S. Thank you 'bgum733' and 'Leapyearbaby29' for letting me know about the publishing error. Leapyearbaby, I have seen your comments on most of the fanfics I have read on Wattpad and I love how interactive you try to be with others' stories. I have noticed your story 'MIA' before and promise to check it out soon; I am sure I will love it! 3**

 **Prologue**

Welby State Psychiatric Facility. Saturday morning. Autumn's harsh breeze is beginning to sweep through; being Rosewood, however, the sun maintains its exasperatingly consistent fairytale-esque light which neglects to dim, in spite of the time of year.

For Alison Lauren DiLaurentis, it is a reminder that she never has been – and never will be – able to leave this Godforsaken town for good. Not because of any particularly challenging obstacles; If she wanted, she could have her sister transferred to another facility and could continue the work for her teaching degree elsewhere. But no, that would be too easy. Alison DiLaurentis doesn't do easy. The problem is her mindset. As much as she despises Rosewood, it is the only home she knows. And if there's one thing she has learnt, it is that there is nothing more precious and worth holding on to than home ... and family.

Besides, that is why she comes here almost every day (even when she knows she should be studying to get her teaching degree), to try and regain a piece of the family that she so desperately craves. Her brother, Jason, is almost always overseas participating in charity work for the Carissimi Group: the non-profit organisation that Jason practically inherited from Charlotte when she was admitted to Welby (although Alison does have quite a sizable abundance of shares herself). Her father, Kenneth, effectively disowned both her and Jason once they began investing their time in helping Charlotte; the fact that his children were going against his wishes and trying to help the 'abberation' (as he once referred to her as) that he repudiated twenty years prior. Worst of all, however, is the heart-wrenching ache that she must endure when she wakes every morning in a cold sweat. Because of the years of abrasive torment by 'A'? No. The revelation that her sister was the one responsible for those years of manipulation and unfettered abuse? No. The regret, guilt and self-loathing for her adolescent years of controlling, blackmailing and bullying the people she cared for most? Shamefully, no.

For Alison, there is no pain comparable to watching the love of her life drive away without hesitation, to leave Rosewood and everything else behind, including her. It is the kind of pain that leaves you feeling empty. As if your heart, mind and soul belonged to someone else, and once that person was gone, everything that made you whole, that made you value life, goes too.

In a way, Charlotte is a coping mechanism for Alison. Of course, she desperately wants to help Charlotte get better and get her released, but it is so easy to lose herself and become distracted by someone as challenging as Charlotte. At the very least, it was a nice substitute for the pain that would inevitably consume her if she was left in her own company for too long. Charlotte so seldom mentions her antics as 'A' and even more seldom brings her victims up in conversation, including Emily. Though, the blonde often wonders if Charlotte knew about her feelings for Emily. She is positive that Charlotte is aware of a lot of their history but thinks that given her intellect, she could probably figure out what she felt for the brunette and how much she loves her.

She has been coming here for almost two years now, yet each time she's here, she gets an uneasy feeling in her stomach. She's never liked these places. Subconsciously, she wonders if her anxiety in relation to Welby and places like it is because of an inner fear of ending up there herself, as a result of her sister's mental illness and her mother's subtle psychological and behavioural conditioning. Frantically dismissing her distracted thoughts, she enters the facility and makes her way through to find Doctor Sullivan.

Doctor Sullivan has been Charlotte's doctor since her admittance and has been nothing but reliable and understanding ever since. Spencer recommended her during the few weeks that Charlotte was in the County Jail and it was, in fact, Sullivan who properly diagnosed Charlotte and pushed her transfer to Welby.

Just as Alison is getting her pass and entering Patient Wing Two, she is greeted with the doctor herself, looking somewhat disconcerted.

"Alison," she deadpans.

"Hey, is everything okay?" Alison asks as we make our way through the hallways of Welby.

"Hello. Yes, I just wanted to ask you a favour."

"Anything," she reply humbly.

"I wanted to ask if you and Emily are still close." Alison was completely taken aback. Aside from in her thoughts and dreams, she had not heard that name in such a long time; it sounded almost foreign to her.

It is almost a stab in the chest. _Are Emily and I still close?_ It pains Alison that in the past two years, the amount of times she had spoken to Emily could be counted on her fingers. She truly doesn't know what happened; It was immensely difficult for her to let Emily go, but she had to, she knew that Emily had to move on with her life, but that doesn't explain why they maintained almost no contact. It would have been hard for Alison to speak to Emily on a regular basis as just friends, but it would have been highly preferable to the alternative: communicating only via text and brief phone calls on holidays and birthdays.

She began to stammer nervously through her response: "W-w-why do you a-ask?" _Fuck! Emily is over two-thousand miles away and she still has this effect on me?_

"Well, her mother called me and asked If I would see her and try to help her cope with the trauma." Alison was beyond confused. _Wait, does that mean Emily is coming to Rosewood? What for? What trauma? All of the girls, including me, had multiple sessions with Doctor Sullivan after Charlotte was arrested. Surely that can't be the trauma that she is referring to._

"T-trauma?" Alison asks, beginning to get worried.

"From the loss," Doctor Sullivan states, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Alison merely stares at her, her mouth slightly ajar. "She's coming home for the funeral and I figured she may not be so eager to schedule an appointment with me, which is why I was going to ask if you could try to convince her; it would really be good for her to open up and-"

"What funeral?" Alison interrupts suddenly, becoming agitated.

"Did you not know?" Doctor Sullivan question, feeling guilty that she is the one to have to tell the blonde. When Alison simply shakes her head in response, the older woman continues, trying to be as concise as possible. "Emily's father died from a heart attack during a training exercise in Texas. Emily is coming home for the funeral." Alison's heart sank incredulously. There was a time when she would have given anything to have Emily come back to Rosewood, back to _her_. But this is too great a price to pay.

As Doctor Sullivan continued to talk, Alison's mind had begun to wander to thoughts of the perfect brunette who never deserved any of the pain and torment in her life, who deserved o much better than what life gave her.

Throughout the entire visit, Alison put on her classic façade: the mask she donned whenever she needed to hide how she was feeling or seem strong. All she could think of was how much she wished she could see the brunette this _second._ She just wanted to show her that she is there, to comfort her and be what she needs, when she needs.

The second that I exited the building, I retrieved my phone from my jeans' back pocket and dialed Emily's number. After seven frustratingly, seemingly endless rings, she picks up ….


	2. I - If I Lose Myself

**T/W:** **Reference(s) and implications of self-harm.**

 **A/N:** **I'm back! I didn't expect to get much of a response from such a short prologue, let alone a positive one. To be honest, I was worried that no one would even see my story but it is amazing how well connected the fanfiction community is. The reviews were positive (which definitely surprised me), and with such a long wait for 7B and the demand for Emison fan-fiction, I have decided to continue the story. I hope you all continue to leave nice reviews and enjoy the story, I really appreciate it!**

 **P.S. I have decided to change from present tense to past tense; it makes it much easier to write the way that I want to. I am more of an improv writer, which means I don't have a set plan for the story; I make it up as I go along. That way, I can keep writing for as long as I want to or until people become disinterested. Once the story starts flowing, I may start to take prompts (provided it will fit into the story nicely). Also, I know most people prefer the third person perspective, which is why I chose to write that way. Personally, I have no preference, but if people ask for first person POV, then I will definitely do the occasional chapter like that.**

 **P.P.S. This may be the last update for a while. The reason why is that I want to pre-write quite a few chapters first so that I can update regularly for a while and abide by a schedule. I will definitely upload a new chapter before 2017 and possibly before Christmas (if enough people ask).**

 **X-x-x-x-X**

 **Chapter I – If I Lose Myself**

 _The second that I exited the building, I retrieved my phone from my jeans' back pocket and dialed Emily's number. After seven frustratingly, seemingly endless rings, she picks up …._

 **X-x-x-x-X**

There she was. She stood in the driveway of the house that she had steered away from for two whole years to avoid the inevitable resurfacing of poignant memories. Everything on the property is a remnant of Alison and Emily's history together. _Everything._ Even the decorative rose bush floods her mind with the memory of Emily always picking a handful of the velvet-coloured flowers to give to her when she knew Ali would be coming over. _Sweet Emily._

Reflecting on the past, remembering the sensitive, shy, sweet brunette, Alison can't help but wonder if that same girl exists. As if Pam answering a grieving Emily's phone wasn't disconcerting enough, her vivid, un-sugar-coated description of Emily's mournful state brought all of the spectrum of deep and profound emotions back to the surface.

Worry, anxiety, empathy, care … love.

After the call, Alison had raced home to drop-off her job applications and some of Charlotte's medical bills. Before leaving, she grabbed something that she hoped would cheer Emily up a bit: a small, hand-crafted clay sculpture of the Eiffel Tower.

 _ ***Flashback***_

 _It was Emily's birthday and Wayne Fields had taken Em and Ali to Walt Disney World in Florida for a four-day holiday. Pam had to stay behind because she had just started a new job and couldn't just immediately take days off, but she wanted Emily to have a great birthday._

 _As they walked through the opulence of exuberant stores and gift-shops, Ali noticed a place that sold beautifully sculpted, intricately designed clay models. The blonde gazed into the store longingly when her eyes landed on a truly prepossessing Eiffel Tower sculpture. It was painted exquisitely, and not to mention exorbitantly-priced._

 _Emily turns to her father, "Dad, can we go for a browse in there?" The brunette must have noticed Alison's wide eyes and agape mouth. As much as Emily knows that Alison has been loving every second of this mini holiday, she is also fully aware that Alison longs to visit The City of Lights and would be over the moon if she got to go to Disneyland in Paris._

 _"Whatever you want, Emmy," Wayne smiled sincerely in reply. Alison jumped with joy and raced into the store with obvious alacrity, with Emily close at her heels._

 _These were the moments that Emily loved; when it was just the two of them and Emily saw the real Alison, the carefree, sweet and cute side that – for some reason – Alison always chose to conceal around anyone but her. But here, away from Rosewood and it's inhabitants, this is the Alison that Emily fell for._

 _When Alison saw the price, her bright smile quickly turned into a crestfallen expression; her decision to join Emily's birthday-trip was somewhat sudden, so she didn't think to bring any of her substantial stash of money._

 _Wayne and Emily both saw Alison's frown and wanted to make her happy. "Hey, why don't you let me get that for you?" The colonel smiled a warm smile down at the blonde._

 _"No, no. I can't let you do that, you already let me intrude on Emily's bi-" Alison started._

 _"Hey, trust me, you're not intruding, you know we see you as a part of our family." Emily's father's wholehearted statement made Alison feel something that she only ever experiences when she's around Emily or her family: acceptance, appreciation, love. Something that she never feels from anyone else, let alone her own family_

 _"Thank you, Mister Fields," Alison said,"but really, it's fine. I really don't want you to spend anymore money on me."_

 _"Then I won't." Wayne turned around to speak to the store owner. Wayne was off-duty and wearing casual clothes, but he never goes anywhere without his 'ARMY – NATIONAL GUARD' cap. Tilting it authoritatively, Wayne smiles gently at the man. "Good afternoon, sir."_

 _"Good afternoon to you too, are you stationed?" The man asks, intrigued._

 _"Fort Hood, Texas," Wayne responds politely. "I was just recently rotated out of my second tour of Afghanistan." Emily grimaces slightly, always a little anxious whenever her father speaks about the army; she is always on edge when he is overseas and she never sleeps peacefully until he is home and safe. Subconsciously, however, she know that the odds of him actually being seriously hurt are rather slim._

 _"Wow, so you've been right in the middle of it. My brother is in on his third tour right now and he keeps insisting that he's fine but all I can think is how unappreciated you guys are for everything you do. So, is there anything I can help you with?"_

 _"Yes, thank you, I was just wondering how much that little Eiffel Tower costs," Wayne questions, taking out his wallet – even though he knows Alison doesn't want him to spend any money and he is pretty confident about what the man is going to say next._

 _"Oh, no, no charge. Like I said: you guys don't get enough appreciation." After ending the conversation, the two men shook hands as Wayne departed with the girls._

 _Alison beamed from ear to ear at her new possession as she enclosed her real family in a hug full of gratitude. She had dozens of miniature Eiffel Towers at home, all different shapes and sizes, but she knew this one would always hold a special place in her heart; it will always remind her of that day, Emily and her father. How could she not fall in love with a girl that was raised by Wayne Fields?_

 _ ***End of flashback***_

When she made it to the Fields home, she double-checked for the small Eiffel Tower in her pretentious $1300 Gucci handbag - Alison might have changed, but she was _still_ Alison DiLaurentis.

Trying to brace herself for the emotional afternoon that was right past the door, she racked her brain, trying to think of any other ways to placate the brunette that was described to her over the phone. When she caught sight of the rose bush again, she strode over to it before plucking half a dozen ripe, red roses. Smelling them, Alison decided they were perfect and took slow, tentative steps towards the white wooden door that suddenly appeared as if it was looming over her. She nervously raised her knuckles to bang against the door. Hesitating, Alison began to consider going back home, thinking Emily may be better off without her to complicate an already fragile grieving process. Before she could give it any more consideration, however, the door swung open to reveal a neutral Pam – Alison couldn't imagine how hard it must be for the Fields woman; she feels like she has to pretend to be calm and collected so that she can better help her daughter.

"Ali, it's been so long," the older woman stated as she brought Alison in for a solemn hug. "Was it Doctor Sullivan that told you?"

"Yes," Alison said through a heavy breath; she missed Pam and her hugs almost as much as Emily. _Almost._

"I hope I'm not taking you away from anything, I know you must be pretty busy with Charlotte."

"Don't be silly, of course I had to come," Alison assured.

"I'm going to make some tea for us, Emily is in her old bedroom if you want to just go up. I warn you though, she's not coping well; just be patient with her," Pam warned cautiously with a sad smile.

"And how are you coping?" Alison asked, her of all people being able to easily see through a façade.

"I'm getting through it," she half-lied, with a fake smile.

"Mrs. Fields, It's okay to grieve; you don't have to stay strong for Emily. I'm here for both of you," Alison reassured softly.

"I'm fine for the time being, I promise. And how many times, Alison? It's _Pam._ " The shorter woman chuckled with a smile – a real one this time.

"Yes, Pam," Alison grinned, "I'll go on up then." As she made her way up the stairs that seemed so familiar yet so foreign at the same time, she could practically feel the near-palpable, overwhelming sense of loss and depression.

As she approached the door of Emily's bedroom, she heard nothing but the faint sound of the kettle boiling downstairs. She half-expected to hear heavy sobs and tormented cries but … nothing. Cautiously, she encapsulates the door knob in her palm, twisting ever so slowly as to not startle the potentially jumpy brunette.

When she saw her, her heart clenched. Emily was in her bed, wearing an old tank top and a worn pair of boxer shorts. Her face was pressed into the pillow and there were clear tear stains all over the surrounding pillow case. Seeing her after so long – albeit under very different circumstances than she would have hoped - was almost surreal.

"E-Emily?"

No response.

Four hesitant steps forward and she was at Emily's bedside. Sitting down ever so slowly, she brushed a few strands of silky, dark hair off of her friend's shoulder. She reached into her bag and pulled out the sentimental souvenir from their and Wayne's trip to Florida. Turning her head to the left, she almost jumped out of her skin and ran off like a headless chicken when she saw those heavenly chocolate brown eyes staring back at her. Startled, her hands shook and the sculpture fell back into the bag.

"God, Em. You almost gave me a heart attack!" _Crap,_ Alison thought; it was only after she said it that she realised her exclamation was in _very_ bad taste, given the nature of her father's passing.

Emily's face briefly contorted into grimace but quickly changed back into the blank, expressionless stare towards the carpet.

"Oh, I d-didn't mean-you know I wouldn't-I could n-never …" Alison trailed off, fed up of trying to formulate a valid sentence. She let out a silent, frustrated breath at her own Hanna-like abrasiveness. "So, um, when did you fly in?" There was a painfully long pause in which nothing was said and Emily didn't even respond with so much as a blink.

Eventually, however, her once-bright, now-empty pupils moved upwards, onto the blonde, as she spoke, "Last night."

Her voice sounded so hoarse and rusky (Alison would have found it sexy under different circumstances), almost like she hadn't spoken in weeks. _Perhaps she hadn't._ Alison made a mental note to ask Pam when exactly it was Wayne died. _Wayne died._ The blonde could still barely believe it herself, she couldn't begin to even contemplate what the Fields women were going through. Of course, Alison lost a parent too and she, Jason and her father were extremely upset, but she didn't have _nearly_ as close a relationship with Jessica as Emily did with Wayne, never mind a healthy one.

Ali was at a loss. She didn't know what to say or do. Just hearing Emily's voice in person for the first time in two year sent her into a daze

"So … um … how long did you get off from school?" She asked, trying to initiate general conversation so that at the least, Emily is talking. However, instead of a reply, Alison saw a flash of something in her eye. Fear? Shock? Sensing that it may be a sensitive subject for some reason, she decided to talk about herself, "So, I'm close to getting my teaching degree. When I do, I'll probably start working at Rosewood High, how crazy is that? Who would have thought that me of all people would end up back at our HS?" Alison asked, rhetorically. "You know, Charlotte thinks-" She started again but stopped dead in her tracks when Emily shot up from the bed instantaneously, her eyes wide and her nostrils flared.

"Charlotte?!" Emily exclaims incredulously.

Alison thought it was rhetorical but when Emily just glares at her, she replies, "Y-Yeah."

"The same Charlotte who tormented us all for over a year?! The same Charlotte who drove a car through this very house, who locked me in a box on a conveyor belt in a sawmill, who kept me as a doll in an underground bunker for a month?!"

Alison didn't know whether to be worried or relieved; Emily went from not talking at all to having an outburst in mere seconds. "Yes," she admitted, "I've been helpi-"

"The same Charlotte who almost _gave_ my Dad a heart attack. You're here _now._ You're helping her get better _now._ Well, too late. The damage is done. Where were you when your help was really needed? Oh, you were running away from _her._ " She deadpanned in a frighteningly neutral tone.

"Emily,"

"Just get out. I don't want you here. Go help the person who made my life hell," She practically whispered through quiet sobs as the occasional tear slipped out of her eyes.

Alison stood up and was about to leave, then she remembered. Pulling the miniature Eiffel Tower out of her bag, she examined it once more and fondly stroked the convoluted designs before resting it on the bedside table. She also noticed a vase to the left of where she just placed the clay sculpture, so she put the six perfect roses into it and left when she turned around and noticed that Emily was asleep again.

 **X-x-x-x-X**

"So, when was it?" Ali asked cautiously through a shaky voice; seeing Emily that way and hearing her say those things got to her more than she thought it would. She had tried to leave afterwards, but Pam insisted that she stay and that whatever Emily said, she shouldn't take it to heart.

"Three weeks ago today," Pam replied, thinking how long the past three restless, anxious weeks had been, "It took longer than we thought to prepare the funeral, seeing as though they had to send h-his … b-body-" Pam stuttered through a sob.

"You don't have to talk about it," the blonde consoled.

Pam's eyes flashed with relief and gratitude briefly but eventually returned to a frown.

"On the phone, you mentioned that Emily has been a bit …" Alison trailed off.

"Oh, no, It's nothing you need to be concerned about. Don't worry," the older woman assured with another fake smile.

"Mrs. Fi- … Pam," Pam grinned genuinely, "I told you, I'm here for Emily; if there's anything I should know, please tell me."

Pam had begun to look fearful and Alison questioned whether or not she actually wanted to know what she was about to hear.

"L-Last night, when she got here …" By now, her lip was twitching and her chin shaking. "I walked into the bathroom to see if she w-was o-o-okay but … then I saw the blood a-and she dro-dropped the … the-" the elder Fields woman began to shake ferociously and her eyes welled up with tears; Alison had to interrupt her.

"Y-You don't have to say anymore," Alison ensured whilst she quickly made the short trip to the other side of the kitchen island to embrace the shorter brunette in a warm hug.

It was only then that Alison had actually processed what Pam had told her: Emily _cut_ herself.

Had it really been _that_ long? She knew that she couldn't comprehend the convoluted thought process that must have led to Emily hurting herself, but _this_ Emily was not the same Emily that left for California two years ago.

Emily had been broken. Alison just hoped that the damage wasn't irreparable.

 **X-x-x-x-X**

Alison was looking through the Fields' limited DVD collection (they were more of a _book_ family – another reason why Alison always seemed to fit in so easily around them) when she heard floorboards creaking from upstairs. Pam had gone out to buy something for dinner and had invited Alison to stay the night, seeing as though she had already spent all afternoon there. Alison hadn't expected Emily to come out of her room at all, so she was picking a film for her and Pam to watch and use to try and get their minds off of the funeral and the recent development about Emily.

As she laid the selection of movies on the coffee table, the cause of the creaking came into sight. Alison honestly didn't expect to even hear from Emily at all whilst she was in town, apart from the funeral the next morning – Pam had invited her to that too.

Emily didn't see the blonde until she made her way into the den, looking up and locking eyes. Alison, however, immediately averted them, afraid to look into the hard and empty orbs that she knew would make her heart shiver with empathy.

"Ali?" The brunette choked out, her voice gravelly.

"Em," Ali replies, relieved that she appeared to be calm and was willingly talking to her.

"Can we talk?" Emily's eyes travelled down guiltily, ashamed of her earlier outburst. After directing her anger inwards – towards herself - so much recently, she thought it would feel good to let it out on somebody else, but it didn't. She only felt worse; the only thing stopping her from thinking about picking up the oh-so-tempting razor blade again was the fear that her Mom would walk in on her again.

The blonde was taken aback; from what Pam had told her, it sounded like Emily had barely said two words since getting into town and Pam had only received glares and death-stares when she attempted to initiate conversation with her.

When Alison didn't answer, Emily took a few slow, tentative steps closer to the speechless blonde. Emily looks at Ali apologetically and lightly gestures towards the sofa as she herself takes a seat.

After a few awkwardly silent moments, Emily speaks up, "I … I-I'm sorry."

It was fair to say that the blonde was surprised; she definitely wasn't expecting the brunette to even speak to her, let alone apologise. Granted, Pam told her that Emily didn't mean anything she said, but always being the cynical voice of reason, Alison remained convinced that there was a great deal of truth to what Emily had said. After all, she was well-aware of how Emily must see her.

"You don't have anything to be sorry for," She squeaked out, still wary of saying the wrong thing to the brunette and setting her off. "You're grieving, you have the right to do or say whatever you feel you need to."

There was still so much Ali wanted to ask the other girl. _Do you really not want me here? How many times have you … cut yourself? What have you been up to for the past couple of years? Oh, I heard you might have been seeing Paige again, can you please tell me you aren't?_

However, she knew better than to ask any of those questions right now, she just hoped that the brunette stayed in town long enough for her to get some answers.

"I didn't mean any of it, though. I'm really sorry. You came here to check up on me and I totally went off on you for no reason at all. Bur I just couldn't bear the thought of you being upset with me. I really am happy you're here," the brunette spoke from the heart.

Alison smiled at Emily's honesty and began to see some of the same old Emily begin to resurface. The Emily that was sweet, caring, kind, loving, compassionate and puts everyone else before herself. The Emily that she has been in love with for seven years.

Alison figured that seeing the roses and the Eiffel Tower when she woke up may have triggered this improvement in mood, just like she had intended.

At some point, the brunette had grabbed a hold of Ali's hand with both of hers and started to play with each individual finger subconsciously. Alison noticed this and tried to contain a chuckle.

"Well good; your Mom asked me to stay the night."

Emily smiled that amazing, world-brightening smile for the first time all day and it lifted a huge weight off of her chest; she had been missing that smile like crazy for two years.

"Where is she, anyway? I should probably apologise to her too; I've really not been easy to handle since I got into town." Emily said remorsefully with her head down.

"She just went to the store for something for dinner. I was about to put in a movie. I don't suppose you want to cuddle up in blankets and sweats and join me? Like old times?" The blonde asked hopefully, "your mom said I could start it without her."

"I'd love to," Emily grinned widely, yet somewhat ruefully. Alison jumped up excitedly, spending a few minutes preparing the blankets and everything. When she was putting the DVD in, Emily practically whispered, "I've really missed you, Ali." It was so quiet that the blonde almost didn't hear.

"I've missed you too, Em. You don't know how much." _Wow, she really has changed,_ the brunette thought to herself. As a teenager, Alison rarely expressed what she was thinking or how she was feeling. She knew she had changed, of course, but it was still strange to see the blonde being that person that she always saw inside her. A grin quickly plastered the brunette's face, though, when Alison performed her signature Alison DiLaurentis head tilt. _Okay, she's still Ali._

 **X-x-x-x-X**

Pam came home to a dead-silent house. _I suppose I'll have to get used to this,_ she thought.

When she made her way further in, however, she heard the turned-down sound of the TV coming from the living room. She walked in to find Alison and her daughter curled up on the couch, in a deep slumber. Emily's head rested in the crook of the blonde's neck, halfway between her right shoulder and her jawline. Emily's arm had a death grip around Ali's waist, whose own arms were wrapped protectively around the fragile girl on top of her. Underneath the blankets, their legs were interlocked securely as their cold, bare feet brushed together in their sleep.

Pam looked upon them in awe. She was amazed by Alison's ability to get Emily to let down her walls. She was almost jealous. Although, she knew how much the little blonde cared for her daughter, so she would never stand in the way of whatever this close bond the two had was. She couldn't have asked for a better person to love her daughter than Alison.

Turning off the TV, Pam made her way up to bed and left the two sleeping beauties on the sofa. _So much for dinner,_ she thought.

She just hoped that whatever Alison was doing, she would keep doing it.

 **X-x-x-x-X**

 _Emily opened her eyes and she was lying back, floating in Rosewood High's swimming pool._

 _"Where am I?" She went to speak but no sound came out. She looked across the natatorium and saw a tall, muscular, black-haired man walking towards the exit. "Dad?" Again, she couldn't speak._

 _"Dad!" She attempted again and tried to breast stroke over to where he was before he could leave. However, at every swift movement of her arms, she would only be pushed further back and pulled slightly under by the water._

 _Just as he exited the building, Emily finally managed to make it to the wall and climb up and out of the pool. She sprinted over to the exit door and swung it open to reveal what looked a lot like the inside of a church. Almost like a sermon._

 _There was a coffin at the end of the narrow aisle. The rows of seats were cramped with mourners, yet all of them had their heads down and there was no one speaking at the front. Emily continued to take short strides towards the front._

 _When she was close enough, reached her hands out to the coffin and hesitantly opened it, not knowing what to expect._

 _The second she opened her eyes, she saw the peaceful corpse of her father. Now, as she looked around, everyone's heads were raised and staring accusingly at her._

 _"It's your fault," one woman spat._

 _"You did this!" Another one yelled._

 _"It should have been you," a man murmured, disgusted._

 _Dozens of people began accusing and judging her. When she turned, with tears in her eyes, trying to find a way out, she came face to face with her mother. She merely stared at her daughter, her face communicating disappointment and accusation, just like the others._

 _Slap._

 _The sound of the slap against her left cheek resonated throughout the large church interior, echoing into every dusty corner of its age-old architecture._

 _"You were the biggest mistake of my life. Good thing I don't have to deal with you and your problems anymore."_

 _"Mom-"_

 _"Don't you dare call me that! You've been a pathetic excuse for a daughter. A self-harming dyke, that's all you are or ever will be. Can you blame him for choosing to leave a world that has you in it?" She growled rhetorically, gesturing towards the bright white, wooden casket._

 _"I'm sorry! I really am," Emily desperately pleaded, "I'm sorry I've disappointed you but I'm still your daughter, Mom!"_

 _Slap._

 **X-x-x-x-X**

Emily's eyes shot open as her whole body jerked violently, her face and hair drenched in a cold sweat. She had to do a sweep of the room and mentally recount recent events before realising that it was just a dream and none of it actually happened. Then it hit her like a bullet train, part of it did happen. Her father is still dead, and his funeral is late today

She glanced down at the perfect blonde beside her and all of a sudden, any other thoughts seemed irrelevant. How could she stay negative when she has Alison DiLaurentis by her side? How did she still have this effect on her? The ability to occupy every crevice of her mind and distract any other train of thought.

She puts her hand to the side of Ali's face and gingerly pushed a stray blonde lock behind her ear, allowing her hand to linger momentarily on her cheek.

She can't help but wonder if any of what Ali said in her bedroom almost three years ago was true.

 _"I always made you think that your feelings for me were totally on-sided. That wasn't true. Those kisses weren't just for practice."_

 _"I don't know what you want me to say."_

 _"You don't have to say anything."_

 _"Why are you telling me this now?"_

 _"I just thought you should know."_

Emily had always assumed that Alison only said those because she thought she was losing control and had to lure her back in. Now, though, Emily couldn't help but think about if Ali ever had feelings for her. Emily thought she had finally managed to bury her feelings over the past two years, but seeing Alison again when she is in such a low and vulnerable place, it brought it all rushing back.

Temporarily dispelling those thoughts in case she says or does something she may regret, Emily figured she should probably get a shower so that she doesn't smell like cold sweat all day. Gently untangling herself from Alison, the brunette pulled herself off the sofa and began to quietly creep closer to the stairs.

"Emily? Where are you going?" Alison asked groggily, the light from the rising sun beaming partially onto her face, enhancing her features, making her look incredulously more beautiful, in Emily's eyes.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I was just going to go take a shower," the taller girl whispered back, although she's not sure why, since they are both wide awake now.

This made Ali very uneasy though. She hadn't forgotten what Pam had told her, far from it. It had been on her mind through most of the previous day.

The blonde definitely wasn't just going to let Emily take a shower by herself, not yet anyway, since finding out what she was capable of doing to herself.

"Um …" Alison tried to think of an excuse to stop her from taking a shower, "I really don't think you need one." _C'mon, Alison, is that the best you can do? You used to be the Queen of Lies! A monkey wouldn't believe your poker face!_

"What's wrong? You seem on edge," Emily noted.

Alison didn't want to let Emily know that she knew about the cutting, but she supposed all cards should be on the table. "Emily, I don't think … I don't think you should be in a bathroom without someone nearby," the blonde stated cautiously.

Emily's face went from that of confusion, to realisation, to fear.

"M-My mom t-told you?" Emily asked, her heart rate erratic.

"Yes," the blonde admitted carefully. "Look, don't blame her, I practically forced it out of her. I just wanna help, Em."

Without warning, the brunette turned and sprinted up the stairs and into her bedroom, locking the door. She couldn't bear to look into Ali's pitiful blue eyes, she knows she disappoints everyone, just like in her dream, but with Ali, it's different. Ali's opinion matters more for some reason, even after all this time.

Unfortunately, she was much faster that Ali, who had only just made it to the top of the stairs.

"Em! Em! Emily!" The blonde yelled through the door, "please just open the door, I just want to help. I hope I didn't make you feel like I was judging you, because I'm not. I care about you."

Emily pulled open the drawer of her bedside table and rifled through it, looking for the razor blade. She finally found it and sat back on her bed.

So much had happened recently, more than just her father's death and seeing Alison again, there was a lot more that she still hadn't told anyone and it all just made her feel powerless and she hated it. She just needed to feel control, to feel the satisfaction of doing something and having it actually make a difference.

She pulled her tank top up just a fraction, enough to expose her hip. She hovered the cool, metal piece over her skin, to the left of her lower abdomen and closed her eyes to shut out the desperate pleas of the girl outside.

 **X-x-x-x-X**

 **A/N:** **I hope you all enjoyed that chapter! Longer than the prologue, I know, let me know if you like this length or if you want it to be shorter/longer. Also, I'm curious about how you guys want this to be paced; do you want a slow-burn or a moderate, natural pace?**

 **Whether you liked it or not, please review so I know what to keep doing or change. Please tell me if my depiction of depression and self-harm is too insensitive or portrayed well enough, All feedback is helpful feedback! xox**

 **-W**


	3. II - I Don't Wanna Break

**Chapter II – I Don't Wanna Break**

 _She pulled her tank top up just a fraction, enough to expose her hip. She hovered the cool, metal piece over her skin, to the left of her lower abdomen and closed her eyes to shut out the desperate pleas of the girl outside._

 **X-x-x-x-X**

The blade continued its descent, getting closer and closer to the previously scarred, tanned skin. She was about to mark herself yet again-

 _Bang, bang, bang!_

The bedroom door rattled on its hinges as Alison pounded continuously in an attempt to get Emily's attention. Fortunately, it worked; Emily's eyelids shot open at the sound and the reflective blade fell as her hand shook.

The moment her eyes opened, they locked onto the stationary Eiffel Tower sculpture sitting on her nightstand. The connotations of that clay model infested Emily's mind, enough to draw her mind away from what she was about to do to herself.

Staring at the object intently, Emily thought about Alison. She thought about their past and about her father. She thought about how disappointed he would be with her and how he wouldn't want any of this.

It wasn't until she felt a tingling sensation running down her cheek that she realised she was crying. She began to listen to what the blonde outside her door was saying.

"Em, please! Please don't do it! I just want to help!" She screamed in empathetical anguish. "Please trust me, Emily. I care about you so much, I just want you to talk to me," Emily could tell that Alison was now crying too.

Gazing at the miniature monument whilst the blonde pleaded, Emily remembered how close her and Alison had once been. How she had told the other girl anything and everything and how she was the only one that the blonde allowed herself to be _herself_ around. Right then, the brunette wanted nothing more than to regain that bond. When they were teenagers (before Ali's disappearance), Emily would be so afraid of embarrassing herself or doing something wrong and losing Ali's friendship – thinking it was fragile and conditional. She knew better now, though; she realised when Ali came back from the 'dead' that the blonde values her friends more than anything and would do anything for them.

"Emily, I hate to see you like this. Please open the door. You know that I could never judge you, I just don't want to see you like this and I don't want you to hurt yourself anymore," Alison began to hear Emily's sobs through the door and she momentarily fell into despair, terrified that she may have already gone through with it - on _her_ watch, too!

However, her fears were relieved when Emily spoke again, "Ali?" Emily continued to sob silently.

"Yeah, Em?" Ali responded as she leaned against the door slightly, lowering herself ever so slowly until her bottom hit the floor. Coincidentally, Emily did the exact same, with the Eiffel Tower cradled securely in her hands – the razor blade was discarded on the bed and long forgotten as the two girls shared a quiet yet poignant moment. From a side profile, the two girls were in almost symmetrical positions: knees bent, back to back – the only thing separating them being about three inches of wooden door.

"Em, did you … ?" The blonde trailed off, allowing Emily to infer the rest of her question.

"No," Emily admitted after a few moments, still absent-mindedly trailing her slender fingers over the intricate designs on the little French replica.

"Well, can you let me in?" The other girl replied gingerly, letting out a huge breath of relief.

"No. I don't want you to see me like this," she stated sheepishly.

"I understand. But I'm staying right here, okay?" Alison offered.

"Okay."

Fifteen minutes passed without so much as a cough, until Emily thought it might be the right time to get some answers of her own, when she didn't have to look the blonde in the eye.

"Ali?" There was a long pause and Emily thought for a moment that Ali might have already gone.

"I'm here, Em," she eventually replied.

"Do you remember … the night you told me that my feelings were never really one-sided?" The brunette asked nervously.

"Of course I do."

"Did you mean it?" She asked. Alison was taken aback; of course she meant it! _Is this why we never talked about what happened between us in my bed that night? Because she thought I was using her?_ Alison thought.

"Yes. You thought I was lying?" The blonde answered, getting a little upset. She loved – no, _loves –_ Emily with all of her heart and it seemed like there was no way Emily would ever believe and trust her completely.

"No, no," the brunette responded, unable to decipher whom she's trying to convince. "It's just … I know you were worried about losing control and-"

"Emily, after everything we'd been through, do you really think that I would just use you like that again? That I even _could_?" Alison asked, letting her heart take control instead of her mind for once. "Emily," _this is it,_ she thought. She was going to bare her soul to Emily. It was now or never. _Perhaps this could help with the grieving process._ "Do you remember when you started to realise your feeling for me?"

"Well, not the exact moment," Emily chuckled lightly, and the blonde would have been lying if she said it wasn't the best sound she'd ever heard.

"Well, I do." She spoke confidently, "I was always able to tell what you were thinking or feeling, Em. It was a a couple weeks before Halloween 2008; you had been dating Ben for a little while and I could tell you weren't comfortable with it. That's when you started to realise your feelings for me and that you were only attracted to girls. And when you told me that you and Ben didn't really have sex, it only confirmed it. I knew that you were only allowing the rumours to spread because you didn't want anyone to know that you were gay." Emily was dumbfounded, she herself couldn't even pinpoint the time she started to fall for her best friend but it seemed, like always, Alison knew Emily a _lot_ better than she knew herself.

"A few nights later, at Noel's Halloween party, I caught you eyeing Jenna's dirty dancing … and it set me off. I was jealous. For the first time in my life, I was jealous. And instead of handling it like a normal human being and telling you that I had feelings for you too, I … I used it against you. I'm so sorry, Emily," the tears had begun to pour out freely again. "I guess what I'm saying is … I loved you. I always loved you. I had feelings for you before you even started to like me like that … and I was scared. Those two years I was gone, I had plenty of time to regret and wish. I hated myself for what I did to you. When I came back, I wanted to make it right with you and start over. I should have known it wouldn't be that easy. So much got in the way," Alison smirks ruefully. "When I helped to rescue you from the dollhouse, I thought that you and I could still have a chance. But when it never happened, I figured you'd moved on. So, I let you."

Emily was beyond speechless. She was transfixed and couldn't begin to formulate a response. _Alison loved me? She loved me before I could even return the feelings? She really wanted to be with me when she came back to Rosewood? Does she still love me?_ Emily's thoughts were a mess.

"So, yes. I really meant it." Alison was surprised herself; she had never opened herself like that, she had never expressed her feelings so genuinely and in detail.

Listening to the blonde allowing herself to be so vulnerable gave her the courage to ask what she really needed to know, "Ali, do you still have feelings for me?"

 _Ring! Ring! Ring!_ The blaring sound of Pam's alarm clock further down the hall prevented Emily from getting a definitive answer from the typically guarded blonde.

 **X-x-x-x-X**

"We should get ready. It's going to be a long day," Alison suggested.

"We've got plenty of time. It doesn't start till eleven-thirty. What time is it now?" Emily spoke sullenly. They both came downstairs and got dressed when they heard the brunette's mother's alarm going off. Neither of them mentioned what Emily almost did, nor the heartfelt talk they shared.

It always seemed to be that way with them; something important would happen between them, but it only took one obstacle or distraction and they never spoke of it again. Subconsciously, both of them hoped dearly that that wouldn't be the case this time. However, neither one knew how it could be averted.

"Only seven," the emotionally _and_ physically exhausted blonde replied – they both got less than eight hours sleep and she still didn't know what woke Emily up.

"I guess asking for a shower again is out of the question?" The taller girl asked with a chuckle, which Alison returned, albeit nervously and a little forced, still extremely antsy about how Emily has been coping with her trauma.

The creaking sound from Emily's parents' - well, _Pam's_ bedroom floorboards could be heard, indicating that Pam was awake. "Do you want to go for a walk?" Emily asked suddenly.

"Sure, I guess we have time. Do you want me to go tell your Mom?" Alison agreed.

"No!" She answered, a little too quickly.

"Why not?"

"Can you do me a favour?" Emily asked hopefully but nervously.

"What is it?"

"Could you … not tell her about earlier this morning"

"Em … I can't just ignore it-" the blonde started, but was interrupted.

"I'm not asking you to. I just don't want to burden my mom with more to worry about. I promise, Ali, I'll try not to do it anymore, but please don't tell her," she pleaded.

"Okay, but _we_ need to talk about it later, at least. And I want you to promise me something."

"Anything," she gratefully accepted.

"If you ever get the urge to do it again, I want you to tell me right away," Alison lightly demanded.

"Alright," Emily releneds, "but I really don't want to talk to my Mom right now, can we please just leave her a note or something."

After reluctantly agreeing, Alison left a sticky note on the coffee machine that read:

 _'We just went for a walk, we will be at the funeral for 11:20 – Ali.'_

They put on their jackets and left.

 **X-x-x-x-X**

After walking for ten minutes, they found themselves at The Brew. "Do you want to get some breakfast?" Ali queried; she hadn't seen Emily eat at all and hoped she would get something in her stomach for the emotionally stressful day ahead.

Although she wished it was because of different circumstances, the blonde couldn't help but love this alone time with Emily. Even though they hadn't yet acknowledged her long-awaited confession from earlier, Alison felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders now that Emily knew everything – and she was pretty sure Emily believed her too. Not to mention, this walk itself brought back all of _those_ feeling that both of them alays used to feel when it was just the two of them. The chest-tightening sensation, the goosebumps when their fingers just barely brushed, the jelly-like feeling in the knees when they would smile at one another, and who can forget the infamously distracting eruption of butterflies in the stomach whenever they did so much as look into each other's eyes.

"No thanks, I'm really not hungry. Could definitely use a coffee though!" Emily joked lightheartedly, her mind finally beginning to wander from mournful thoughts of her late father. It seemed this always happened when she was with Ali; when Emily was with her, it was as if Alison suddenly became the centre of her life, and everything else became irrelevant.

As gratifying as it was to get a smile from Emily on the day of her father's funeral, she knew she couldn't let her go the funeral on an empty stomach. "Em, please, you need to eat. I know you feel like you're not hungry but trust me, you'll feel better afterwards."

"You can get something, but really, I don't think I can-" Emily tried to decline.

"Please. For me?" Ali persisted with her best puppy dog eyes.

Emily nods. "For you," she acquiesced, appeasing the blonde.

They walked into The Brew, Emily feeling disoriented at the thought of food and Ali feeling satisfied with her persuasive skills.

 **X-x-x-x-X**

Once they finished eating, they continued to walk around with their coffees as it was only seven-thirty-five.

"You were right, I do feel better," Emily conceded, knowing it would please the blonde.

"Told you! Ali knows best," she returns with a sassy wink. With that, a kaleidoscope of butterflies unleashed inside the brunette's stomach, as if she was fifteen again.

"So, is there anywhere else you want to go or did you want to go back?" Ali asked softly, oblivious to Emily's bright red, flushed cheeks.

"Not just yet, there is somewhere I want to take you." Emily said with a smile, recovering from her daze.

They continued to make banterous and trivial small talk as they journeyed well outside of the urbanised area of Rosewood. It wasn't until they started to traverse through the outskirts of the forest near the lake that Ali realised where it was that Emily was taking her.

When they came upon the wide clearing between the trees, both girls stared nostalgically at the large grey rock that sat near-perfectly in the centre. They took slow steps towards it until it was less than a mere foot away. The blonde eased nearer and sat down gently, as if it was a fragile relic. Emily, however, crouched down, bending her knees as she traced over the red paint – ' _EF + AD'_ in a love heart.

 _ ***Flashback***_

 _Ali had texted Em to meet up at The Kissing Rock. The two of them had been sneaking off there for about two weeks. It had become their spot. Typically, once they were both there, they would talk for a little while until Ali got bored and decided she needed 'practice'. Well, that's what she told Emily. It's what she told herself, even. Although, she knew she was lying to herself. She just couldn't accept her own feelings. It wasn't because Emily was a girl; Ali wasn't ashamed of Emily. She didn't care if people knew she liked girls, and she definitely didn't care if anyone knew she liked Emily specifically. Hell, who couldn't be? The problem was that she had feelings for someone at all. She had always convinced herself that she was a cold, heartless bitch who could never have feelings for anyone. But then, Emily happened._

 _Alison knew she could never have a relationship with the brunette. The only reason she'd had relationships with other guys was because there were no actual feelings involved and her intentions were always strategic. She didn't have any deceitful motives with Emily though, and it scared her. Self-interest and self-preservation. That's all she knew. That's all her mother taught her. She was taken completely off guard by her feelings for Emily. She didn't want to treat Emily like all of her other 'lovers' though. Emily didn't deserve that and Ali wouldn't have had the heart to anyway. However, Emily was like an addiction that she had to indulge in. That's what this Kissing Rock arrangement was all about: Ali partially getting what she wants._

 _When Emily showed up, Ali was already there. She stepped on a twig and Ali's eyes lit up when she lifted her head up and saw her._

 _"Hey, beautiful," Alison smirked, knowing it drove Emily crazy when she complimented her._

 _"Hi, Ali," Emily said through a blush that was evident, even through her tanned skin. It was a strange turn on for Alison when she could make Emily blush, stutter, fiddle with her fingers, or all of the above. It really made her feel like Emily was hers. The talking that usually preceded their make-out sessions was basically foreplay. Today, however, Ali was ready to skip the talking altogether; some people found Emily's style to be too tomboy-ish, but Alison found it hot. Today, Emily was wearing a tight white polo-shirt (that perfectly outlined every curve), a very short denim skirt (that let her show off her long, lean, tanned swimmer's legs) and a pair of converse sneakers that made her (rightfully) seem sporty and athletic._

 _"I got an idea," the blonde smirked again._

 _"What?" Her girl-crush asked curiously._

 _Instead of providing a verbal response, Alison pulled a small can of red paint from her bag and shook it in her hand._

 _"What's that for?" Emily chuckled, convinced that her friend has gone doolally._

 _"We're gonna make this our spot. Officially," Alison grinned widely, bringing out an angular flat paintbrush from her bag as well._

 _When Emily simply furrowed her eyebrows (creating a little dimple low on her forehead – which Ali loved and thought was extremely cute), the blonde decided to elaborate. "We're gonna paint our initials on the side so that this'll always be our spot."_

 _Had Emily not known Ali better, she would have mistaken this gesture to be romantic or sentimental. However, she did know better. Or at least, she thought she did. If only she knew how the blonde really felt._

 _Taking what she could get, Emily agreed with alacrity._

 _Although Ali had repeatedly used the pronoun 'we', Emily ended up doing all of the work. Alison wanted to see Emily being intent and concentrating – she was cute like that. Besides, Emily didn't mind, she liked to make the blonde happy. Seeing Ali watching her from atop the rock with her ocean-blue eyes as her legs swung carefreely was its own reward._

 _When she was finished, she blew lightly on the paint and turned to Ali._

 _"Can I see your handy-work?" The shorter girl asked before Emily could proudly announce her completion._

 _"It's all done!" Emily said happily. She knew that Ali didn't see her as more than practice, but having something like this written in stone (literally, and figuratively) made what they had seem somewhat real. Besides, this was Ali's idea – so maybe, just maybe, Ali might feel the same way._

 _"It's perfect," Ali said with a congratulatory smile and patted the spot beside her on the rock, gesturing for her to sit. Ali looked back down at the physical declaration of love, admiring it, before turning back to Emily. "I didn't know you could be so artistic."_

 _Emily blushed again and fiddled with her fingers in her lap, "I have my moments."_

 _"You certainly do. You deserve a reward," the blonde said calmly, only causing Emily to look up with confusion. That's when Ali leaned closer, slowly moving her lips closer to Emily's – even though she was desperate for contact, she couldn't let herself appear over-eager._

 _Their lips brushed together delicately until both of them fluttered their eyes closed and gained confidence and began to maneuver their lips passionately in perfect synchronisation. Their heart beats were erratic and their lungs were in dire need of oxygen, yet they kept going, tenaciously maintaining contact, as if the bond between their lips was what held the world together._

 _ ***End of flashback***_

"I had a dream about us. Being here," Alison mentioned, raising the curiosity of the brunette knelt on the ground, who lifted her eyebrows slightly, as if gesturing for the blonde to continue.

Suddenly feeling shy, Ali bowed her head down and played with a loose thread protruding from her the sleeve of her white denim jacket.

"Has your Mom told you about what they're doing to Radley?" Alison asked, in a desperate attempt to change the topic of conversation. It was easy to bear her heart to Emily earlier; she was half-asleep, she was terrified by what Emily was going to do to herself and she didn't have to look into those adorning cocoa eyes that never failed to make her melt.

Understanding that Ali didn't want to talk about her dream, Emily sat down and asked what she meant, "No, I haven't heard anything." She was actually pretty intrigued.

Alison had the perfect view of Emily; the sunlight pierced through the trees and reflected off of her silky brunette bordering-on-raven hair that cascaded down the side of her face, outlining the beautiful features and tan skin that could only belong to an ethereal Goddess.

"Oh, um, um, Hanna's Mom is turning it into a fancy hotel," Alison stumbled slightly over her words, having to regain her composure after staring at the love of her life for too long.

"You're kidding! I thought they would have demolished the building two years ago," Emily exclaimed, genuinely astonished.

"Nope, It's true," Alison laughed, finding it amusing how ironic Rosewood is. After a minute of peaceful silence in their spot, the blonde finally asked, "Em, why did we come here?"

Emily chewed on her bottom lip for a moment. _Damn, if that isn't the sexiest thing ever,_ _I don't know what is,_ Alison thought to herself whilst Emily tried to organise a sentence.

"There's just some things I want to tell you," Emily started to delineate, "because I trust you. I know now that you won't judge me and I want you to understand … why I did … _this,"_ Emily said the last word as she began to lift the hem of her jersey nervously, her breaths short and rapid.

The blonde's eyes raked over the damaged girl's torso and her heart clenched as she brought her hand up to cover her agape mouth. The brunette's once-unblemished torso was now marked with three jagged scars, all of them about two and a half inches in diameter.

Alison couldn't take her eyes away; she was transfixed out of shock. Emily, however, stared at the sky. She couldn't look at her torso without being disgusted and she dared not look at Ali, fearing that she, too, was disgusted.

Emily's insecurities were dispelled slightly when she felt the fair-skinned blonde's fingers brush gingerly over the sensitive scars on her abdomen.

"You're too beautiful for this," the blonde complimented and Emily felt a blush reddening her cheeks, reminiscent of her teenage self.

"I don't know what you must think of me," Emily deadpanned as she directed her eyes towards the ground in shame.

"I told you before, Em: I will never judge you," Alison confirmed with a soft smile.

"Thank you," Emily said gratefully and sincerely. "I can't thank you enough for being here for me when I'm such a mess."

"You don't need to thank me for anything, but you were about to explain something to me," the blonde reminded, referencing the fact that Emily said she wanted her to understand why she did that to herself.

"Yeah," Emily sniffled and brought her head up, pulling her shirt back down. "These past few weeks – since my dad died – have been the worst of my life."

Alison's eyes widened in disbelief and Emily immediately knew why. "Okay, maybe not as bad as the dollhouse, but in a way … they have. At least the dollhouse was just one big freedomless nightmare. The past few weeks have been one nightmare after another. The worst part is, I have freedom this time and yet I still feel trapped," Emily gagged.

"What do you mean?" Ali asked gently.

"Everything that's happened has been out of my control and I feel helpless. That's why I … cut. To feel like I'm in charge or at least feel like I have some control over my life. At least then, It feels like I've won, like it's 'Universe: zero, Emily: one'. Pretty sick, right?" Emily chuckled darkly.

"Not at all. I get it. When you do it, I bet you feel like you're not a product of everything that's happened, that your life is actually _your_ life. But there's better ways to get to that result, Em. I promise I can help you," the blonde assured earnestly, with nothing but raw honesty and understanding in her eyes. "You said 'one nightmare after another', why don't you tell me what else has happened first."

"Okay," Emily began, "first of all, I don't know whether you knew or not, but I'd been dating Paige for the better part of two years." It frustrated Alison how jealous she still got at the mention of Pigskin's name. It would always stand as a reminder that _she_ got to have Emily first and _she_ always won Emily's heart.

"Yeah," Alison answered, trying to limit the bitterness in her voice.

"Well, when I heard the news about my Dad, I was … well, you saw how I was … I guess it was too much for her; she broke up with me that week."

Alison had to contain the rage in her voice when she spoke, "You've got to be kidding! Your Dad died and you were grieving like a normal human being, but she got 'fed up'?" Alison asked rhetorically, using air quotations around the last two words.

"She said to go back to her when I stopped sulking and started paying her more attention," the brunette brooded.

By now, Alison was infuriated. As much as she hated Paige, she actually thought she loved Emily and would appreciate her enough to help her through such a tough time, not abandon her. However, Alison couldn't help but feel a little proud of herself; Paige, Emily's girlfriend, tried and failed for days to get Emily to talk and open up – Alison, a friend that she hasn't in two years, managed it in less than a day.

"Fucking Pigskin," Alison growled furiously, enraged that Paige's abrasive actions partly led to Emily's coping _issue._ Emily tried and failed miserably to contain a chuckle; the blonde's anger over _her_ pain was somewhat flattering and gave her a sense of familiarity and security in Alison that she had been missing for two years.

"But there's more," Emily continued. "After that, I blew through all the money my Dad left me …" she let out through a quiet sob, her eyes welled up with tears that threatened to spill, but didn't.

"And I … I-I d-dropped out o-of s-school," the brunette cried.

It was all coming together for Alison. She was starting to understand how Emily was driven over the edge. Everything in her life had crumbled down around her in just a few short weeks – her Dad died, her selfish girlfriend abandoned her, she went completely broke and dropped out of college.

"Oh, Emily. I get it," Alison cooed as she rested her palm on the back of the other girl's hand and stroked her thumb gently over the flawless skin. "So … what are you gonna do when you go back?" The blonde didn't want to upset her any further by bombarding her with questions, but she wanted to make sure Emily was at least preparing herself for a life after the funeral.

After a few hushed moments, Emily opened her mouth to speak again, "I don't think I _can_ go back," she admitted.

Alison felt a strange twinge in her stomach. Hope? Happiness? Of course, she shouldn't have been happy about _why_ Emily was staying, but she was overjoyed by the fact that Emily might stay.

"You're going to stay?" Alison asked hopefully.

"I guess so, I don't really have anywhere else to be. Besides, I should be here with my Mom," the brunette reasoned.

"Have you told her … what you told me?"

"No, like I said: she has enough on her plate. But, I felt like I had to tell someone, and you've always been the person I confide in," Emily revealed, making Alison's heart skip a beat and her brain to go fuzzy and turn to mush.

"Well, If you're interested, you could take classes at Hollis," the blonde tried to change the subject, whilst attempting to hide her blush (Alison DiLaurentis – blushing?). "They're pretty cheap."

"I still couldn't afford it," Emily murmured in despair.

"Don't be silly, I'll pay," Alison offered, in a tone that made it seem like the most obvious solution.

"There's no way I could let you do that."

"Alright, look, I know you don't want to talk about Charlotte, but she left me quite a lot of money when she got admitted. I can afford to pay."

"But that's _your_ money now, you don't have any obligations-" Emily protested before being interrupted.

"Emily, I've made up my mind and that's that," the blonde said ultimately. "You are an amazing person, Em. You've done nothing but good your entire life and the Universe has never given you a break."

The brunette looked up into the blonde's bright blue eyes and saw nothing but kindness and generosity. "Let me do this for you."

"Alright," Emily conceded with a gentle smile. "Why are you doing this for me?"

"Because you deserve nothing but the best," Alison says earnestly, without missing a beat. "Plus, I get someone to car-pool with," Alison joked.

When Emily only returned a perplexed expression, the blonde realised that she may have been too upset to listen when she told her the first time. "Oh, I told you yesterday, I'm getting my teaching degree. At Hollis," she reminded.

"Oh, right. I'm sorry, I forgot. What will you be teaching?"

"English Literature," Emily provided a surprised smile in return. "Don't look at me like that," Alison chuckled, "you know I'm a sucker for a good story."

"Well, I know that you could never seem to give Great Expectations a rest," the brunette reminisced.

"Yeah," the blonde agreed, suddenly noticing the awkward tension between them. The memory of their kiss in the library still gave them both butterflies.

"Miss DiLaurentis," Emily experimented, "It has a nice ring to it."

"You think?"

"Yeah. Although, it will definitely be strange to see the old Queen Bee of the halls become the English teacher in the classroom," the brunette laughed and the blonde joined in with a chuckle.

After a few minutes of a comfortable silence, Alison checked the time on her phone: _09:09._

"We should probably head back and get ready," Alison suggested as she stood up, but stopping when she felt the brunette grip onto her hand slightly.

"Ali?" The blonde sat down again.

"Yeah?"

"I don't … I don't think I can go to the funeral," Emily looked down ashamedly. As much as she knew her father's death wasn't her fault and knew nobody blamed her, her nightmare from the previous night still frightened her.

"What? Why not?" Alison stroked the brunette's knuckles with feathery touches, igniting butterflies yet again.

"I just … I just don't think I can. It's too much. A sermon isn't going to make saying goodbye any easier," she stated truthfully.

"Okay," the blonde empathised, "I'll text your Mom."

As the blonde pulled out her phone to text Pam, Emily spoke apologetically, "Tell her I'm really sorry."

The blonde nodded understandingly and typed out:

 _'Emily doesn't think she is able to go to the funeral. She says she is really sorry. Will you be okay by yourself?'_

A few seconds later, a reply came:

 _'I will be fine, I don't want her to do anything she is not ready for. Tell her there is nothing to apologize for. Look after her, Ali. x'_

"She says it's fine." Alison and Emily sat there and talked for another half-hour before they got up and walked around town some more.

 **X-x-x-x-X**

It was when the two girls heard the church's bell chime – indicating that it was twelve o'clock – that Emily became tense and uneasy.

It wasn't until Ali spoke that she realised what she was feeling was regret, "I guess the funeral will have ended by now."

"Oh God, Ali," Emily breathed as she put her head in her hands as she rested her elbows on her knees where they sat at a park bench. "I should've gone. It's too late now. I've lost my chance to say goodbye."

"You said it was too hard," Alison reminded sympathetically, "that it wouldn't make it any easier."

"But I don't know that. He would have wanted me to be there, with my Mom. I've let him down, I've let her down, I've-" Emily continued to blame herself until Ali wrapped both of her hands around the grieving girl's wrist.

"Hey. It's not too late to say goodbye." The blonde promised.

"Of course it is, the funeral is over," The brunette exclaimed dejectedly.

"Come with me," the blonde held out her hand for Emily to take.

 **X-x-x-x-X**

It wasn't until they started across the field and Emily began to see grey, worn headstones that she realised where they were going.

At some point, their coupled hands must have broken apart and both girls were missing the contact.

After five minutes of walking through the rows of graves, they spotted a group of mourners surrounding a rectangular, six-foot deep hole in the ground, partially occupied by the maroon and gold casket at the bottom.

When they got closer, Pam's voice could be heard bidding farewell to her late husband. "I hope no one has any issues with me speaking during the burial, but I need to say my own goodbye through words, not tears. Wayne Fields was the best man I knew. No, he was _the_ best man. _Period._ He brought me nothing but happiness. Even when he was overseas in Afghanistan, scaring the life out of my until he came back, he still made me happy. It'd remind me that the man I married was braver than any other soul. More courageous than I could have ever imagined. He wasn't even in this country for the better part of some years, yet he _never_ failed to be the best husband and father I could have hoped for. Everyone was better off for meeting Wayne, if I listed all of his amazing attributes, we'd be here all day. The easiest way to describe Wayne is to look at the people he was closest to. Me, Emily, his family, his friends. Everyone is a better person for having him in their lives. He _made_ us better. That's why we shouldn't keep crying – of course we'll mourn him, I'm going to be mourning him for every second of the rest of my life – but there's no reason to cry. He's gone, we have to accept that. We just need to recognise that he made a difference. That we were lucky he was here when he was. We need to value the time we were lucky enough to have with him. Goodbye, Wayne. You won't be forgottenm" Pam finished as tears flowed freely from her watery eyes.

Emily sniffed ruefully and finally had the courage to reach for Alison's hand and entwine their fingers again, needing the contact. "Thank you. I was wrong," Emily admitted.

Alison furrowed her eyebrows, "About what?" She turned and saw streams of tears leaking uncontrollably from her beautiful brown eyes. However, there was a grateful smile on the brunette's face.

"This does make it easier."

 **X-x-x-x-X**

 **A/N:** **I hope that chapter wasn't too bad. Emily is finally starting to move on and let go of the grief. Shouldn't be too long now until we can actually see some Emison in this story :).**

 **Yes, I updated much sooner than I thought. I got really bored and wanted to write and since it was a Saturday, I managed to write most of it up yesterday and finished it today. I don't know if anyone has noticed but the chapters' namesakes (and the story's itself, coincidentally) are that of songs. The last chapter was a song by OneRepublic and this one is a Christina Perri song. The next chapter will be called 'Little Talks' (by Of Monsters and Men).**

 **Again, please review. The reviews from the last chapter really made me smile, that is why this chapter is coming so soon. All reviews give me the confidence to write and update more often :)**

 **-W**


	4. III - Little Talks

**A/N:** **I'm back with chapter 3! Again, all of the kind reviews warmed my heart and I love to see that people are enjoying the story. I hope you all like this chapter too and whether you do or don't, please review!**

 **BTW, I have changed my Twitter usernames for the first time in over two years; it is now Willa ( ShayBaePieterse). So, if you ever want to ask me questions, give me advice/prompts, want an update, etc. - just follow/DM me. :)**

 **So, without further ado:**

 **X-x-x-x-X**

 **Chapter III – Little Talks**

 _"This does make it easier."_

 **X-x-x-x-X**

Emily woke that morning feeling different. Feeling … appeased? She honestly thought she would never fully overcome the loss of her father; now, however, she could already begin to feel lighter. Attending the burial and hearing her mother's speech really helped her feel a sense of closure. She had said goodbye.

Although, she was still grieving, of course. She had said goodbye but she had still to work past the pain and heartache. She knew now that her previous method of coping with said pain was wrong, and if her father was looking out for her somewhere still, she didn't want to let him down anymore.

She had told Alison and her mother this. However, as a precaution (potentially due to disbelief), they had removed any dangerously sharp or harmful objects from her room. Instead of shaving, she had to resort to waxing. Whenever she wasn't in her room, she was to be 'supervised' by Ali or Pam. It made Emily feel helpless infant, but she knew she brought it upon herself. Besides, she couldn't trust herself completely either; the three days in which she cut herself, respectively, were preceded by something that felt like an out-of-body-experience. It felt almost as if she was spectator looking upon her body as she did those things. In other words, she felt as if she wasn't in control, as if her mind was absent and her subconscious puppeted her body via instinct.

She was grateful to Alison for keeping her promise and not telling her mother about the previous day's incident. That, coupled with the closure that the burial so generously provided, allowed her the best sleep she had had since the last time she was in Rosewood. Before she even moved to California. Rosewood always had that effect on her; the town she said farewell to two years earlier never brought her long-term happiness. However, it was always home. It terrorised her to the point of fatigue and she always felt like an outsider. But now, being back and seeing her mother and Alison, she remembered how Rosewood can make you feel at peace, comfortable, at home. Home is where the heart is.

So, yes, she was here to stay. And there was a question she wished to ask Alison, but she knew she'd feel very guilty and shameful for doing so. Within two days of coming back to Rosewood, the people she was closest to had already found out about her self-harming, she knew she'd disappointed her father (wherever he was – she could feel him watching out for her) and she had already become a burden and a worry to her mother and best friend. This was why she was uneasy about asking Alison what she wanted to ask – she didn't want to become any more of nuisance and a burden that she already was.

Throwing off the conditioned, peach-coloured comforter, she removed herself from the oh-so-familiar bed that she didn't know she had craved for for over two long years.

She rubbed the sleep dust out of her eyes hastily with her fingers and stood up, doing her usual stretches.

Fortunately, without any more razors in the bathroom, she was allowed to take private showers. Taking advantage of the granted freedom, she took off her pyjama shorts and tank top and turned on the shower.

 **X-x-x-x-X**

"Everything's just really taken the energy out of me," Pam and Ali moved over to sit at opposite sides of the kitchen island with their coffees, facing each other as they continued their conversation.

"Is part of it Emily?" Alison questioned softly in reply. She had come over a few minutes ago to check up on the Fields women. Pam had asked the blonde to stay over-night but she reluctantly declined, as she had an early morning visit scheduled with Charlotte, which she had just finished before stopping by.

"No, no. There's more to it than that. It's everything; Wayne, the funeral, looking for work, and yeah … Emily too. I know she said the funeral helped and that she wouldn't do … _it_ again," the older woman explained. "But I can't just stop worrying about her. About what she might do. And yeah, it takes its toll on me. But I'm fine."

Alison tilted her head sympathetically. "You don't need to pretend. I can tell you're struggling. If you want, Emily can stay with me for a while," the blonde offered.

"No. I know you're really busy, Ali. It's fine. I-"

"Pam," Alison politely interrupted. "I can handle Emily. I promise. Besides, It gets lonely being in that big, old house all by yourself. And I'd like to get closer to Emily again; It's been too long."

Pam couldn't help but notice a bright gleam behind the blonde's pupils. Although Alison spoke neutrally and non-chalantly about Emily staying with her, she couldn't fool Pam Fields. Pam Fields was a people reader; beneath her bright blue orbs, she could tell that Alison was excited about this arrangement. Eager.

"Okay. But only if you're absolitely sure. And only if she is one-hundred percent sure too." Alison smiled, "I promise it won't be for too long; I'm sure she'll find her own place soon. And if you feel like you've got too much on your plate, just tell me and she can move back in."

"I'll be perfectly fine. There's no rush for her to find a place either," the blue-eyed blonde assured as she tried hard to suppress a wide smile.

As painfully difficult as it was to control her thoughts and feelings when Emily was around, she knew Emily needed a friend right now. Alison was willing to just be there for Emily as a friend, as hard as she knew it was going to be to keep her emotions in check.

 **X-x-x-x-X**

Emily just finished getting dressed and mentally prepared herself to ask Ali for her favour. She wanted to ask if she could stay at her house for a few days, just until she found an apartment or a loft – hell, she would be happy with a studio. She was well aware that her mother was emotionally and physically exhausted; she just wanted to give her a break from the worry and anxiety.

She made her way down the stairs, immediately greeted with two sympathetic pairs of eyes. Her eyes, however, landed onto the bright, azure irises that never failed to mesmerise her.

After a long moment, Pam spoke up and it was only then that Emily realised she was perhaps staring at the blue-eyed, blonde Goddess for a little too long, "Morning, Emmy. Do you want some breakfast?" That would come across as a neutral question to anyone else, except Emily. Her mother never allowed her to skip a meal when she was younger, so she would always greet her on mornings with "What do you want for breakfast?" Or "I'm making waffles". But since being back, Pam hadn't seen her daughter eat at all – even Ali had only seen her eat once, and she had to command it. That is why the older brunette knew there was no point in trying to make her eat. The most she could do was offer and hope Emily accepted.

Although Emily really didn't have an appetite, her mother's worry was almost palpable, so Emily gave in, "Sure, I'll have anything." Pam's eyebrows rose in surprise and her lips curved at the ends into a small smile.

"I'll fry some bacon and eggs for the three of us," Pam smiled cheerfully. "Why don't you girls head out to the patio, It's a nice day to eat outside."

"Sure," the blonde and the brunette said at the same time, igniting a smile and faint blush in both girls; fortunately for Emily, though, hers was mostly concealed by her tinted skin.

The girls headed out to the patio and took a seat at the table that sat there, a direct recipient of Rosewood's bright autumn sunlight.

"I'm glad you're eating," Alison commented.

"I'm still not hungry though. I'm just eating because I don't want to keep worrying my mom," the brunette admitted.

"I know," the blonde chuckled, "I'm still glad to see you eating."

Emily smiled and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Talking to Ali seemed so natural right now, so easy. Yet, at the same time, she felt as if she was 15 again and was worried about saying something to embarrass herself.

Once again, for another brief moment, the blonde and brunette lose themselves in each other's eyes. That was, until Emily thought about how she should talk to Ali about what she admitted the previous morning, which in turn, reminded her that she needed ask the other girl something else first.

"So," yet again, both girls spoke in unison.

They both giggled awkwardly until Emily spoke up again, "You go first," she said, being the gentlewoman, as always.

"Um, I was thinking …" She began, but came to a pause.

"Yeah?"

"If you're really thinking about taking classes at Hollis, I should be helping you apply and what-not."

"Sure, I'd appreciate that," Emily added, a little confused as to why Ali was acting so nervous.

"And if – no, _when –_ you get in, I'll be happy to drive us both, study together, etcetera. And I just figured that would be easier to do if you … stayed with me," Alison said the last part in a murmur whilst fiddling with her fingers in her lap.

"Y-You want me t-to mo-move in with you?" Emily asked, a smile daring to plaster across her face.

This just made things much simpler for the brunette; she had been so nervous about asking the blonde if she could stay with her for a little while.

"Well, yeah, I m-mean, only if you want to," the blonde stuttered in response.

"Yeah, of course. I just don't want to make myself any more of a burden than I already am."

Alison reached across the small space between them and gently held onto her friends fingers, giving them a reassuring squeeze. The moment their hands touched, both girls felt a jolt of electricity course through their bodies, their finger-tips as outlets. "Hey," the blonde laughed lightly but the look in her eyes was genuine and serious, "you're not a burden. You're my friend. My friend that I'd do anything for."

Emily smiled gratefully at her best friend and then looked back into the house at her mother, who had almost finished up breakfast. Emily's grin began to turn upside down. "Did my mom ask you to do this?" She asked. She was excited about staying with Ali and giving her mom some space, but she hoped that this was what the blonde really wanted, and not what she was asked to do.

"Of course not," Alison spoke truthfully, squeezing her hand again. "I suggested it, I get lonely in the big, empty DiLaurentis house all by myself. And, like I said: It'll make it easier when you get into Hollis."

Emily smiled from ear to ear, ecstatic that Alison wanted her to stay with her.

"I promise I won't overstay my welcome, though-"

"Em, I'll tell you what I told your mom, you can stay for as long as you want. I'm always here for the Fields girls," the blonde said confidently and from the heart.

Before Emily could continue the conversation, Pam marched over with a tray with plates of food on it. "Breakfast's ready, girls!"

 **X-x-x-x-X**

Alison walked to her car with Emily's last box. Pam had insisted that there was no rush for Emily leave, but Ali was excited about having her best friend stay with her.

"That's all of them," Alison announced proudly. There were three large, square card boxes in the backseat of her car and another four in the trunk. Considering Emily had actually _moved_ back to Rosewood, she didn't bring a lot back with her. In fact, the brunette had insisted on leaving a lot of it behind, saying that she didn't want to 'invade all of her space'.

"Ali, I really don't need all of this stuff, my mom'll be happy to keep some of it in the attic if I ever do," Emily insisted once again.

"Em, I have _plenty_ of useless space at my- _our_ house," Alison promised with a grin. "Besides, you only have like five boxes of stuff. That's like less than half of all my kitchen utensils."

" _Seven_ boxes, actually," Emily corrected.

The blonde only retorted with a look that consisted of a bossy smirk and eyes that stared deep into her sockets, letting her know who is in charge. Emily let out a defeated huff, but with a smile tugging at her lips.

 _That's what I thought,_ Alison gloated in her head.

"Are you sure you're okay with this? I could always find a hotel in the meantime," the brunette suggested.

"Em, for the last time: I want you to stay with me."

"As long as you're sure," Emily said.

The brunette turned around to see her mom coming out into the driveway. "Gimme a sec?" She asked the blonde, who nodded her head once in understanding.

Emily went over to talk to her mother, "Are you going to be okay? By yourself?"

"Absolutely, I just hope you'll be too."

"I think I'm going to be fine. The burial helped. And I hope I'm making things easier for you by-" Emily was interrupted by an assertive Pam.

"Emily, you are always my priority. You come before anything else. You know that." Pam opened her arms for her daughter to lean into a hug.

"I love you more than anything, Emmy," Pam stated solemnly as she wrapped her arms around her little girl – although she was now about a good six inches taller.

"Love you too, Mom. I promise I'll come by everyday."

They broke out of the hug and the older brunette saw Ali coming over. "Good. Can you give me a minute to talk to Ali, honey?"

"Sure," Em walked over to the car to wait for Ali. She understood that her mother and Ali would probably be talking about her and her _problems._ However, she knew that they both wanted nothing but the best for her.

Pam brought Ali into a friendly hug. "Will you be alright, sweetie?

"Of course." Ali smiled assuringly.

"If it gets too much, I want you to call me. Promise?" Pam asked.

"I promise."

"And I know you'll tell me if there's another ... _Incident._ "Ali thought for a moment about telling Pam about the previous morning's _incident._ She quickly dismissed those thought, remembering the promise she made to her mermaid. However, she knew if it actually _did_ happen again, she would have to tell her mother.

"Yeah," the slightly taller girl agreed.

The two young adults both got into the car (Emily opened the door for Alison like a gentlewoman – which made the blonde's heart warm) as Pam waved them off again. "Bye, girls!"

"Bye, Mom!" Emily shouted back, upset that she was leaving her mother alone, but excited to be staying with Ali. Also, as much as her mother denied it, Emily knew that Pam would have a lot less on her plate without having to worry about her.

Emily and Ali both looked over at each other at the same time, sharing a shy smile before the blonde averted her eyes back to the road.

Alison chuckled silently to herself.

"What?" Emily questioned, slightly amused by the blonde's strange behaviour.

"I don't even know what you're studying," Emily furrowed her eyebrows. "At college," the blonde elaborated.

"Oh!" Emily clicked, "Sports Medicine."

"And what kind of job will you be looking for? When you get your degree."

"I don't know. P.E. teacher?" The brunette half-joked.

Alison felt a light bulb switch on inside her head. However, she didn't want to mention her brilliant idea and get Emily's hopes up.

 **X-x-x-x-X**

 **A/N:** **Okay, so, this chapter didn't turn out to be as long as I expected. I wrote some of it one day, but on the second day, some things happened at home that I'm not ready to talk about just yet. However, writing really helped, so I decided to continue writing this chapter until it felt like a good break-off point.**

 **I hope it wasn't too bad. Again, If you want to give me some prompts/plot ideas, leave it in a review :)**

 **I will probably upload chapter four before Christmas.**

 **Love,**

 **-W**


	5. IV - The Words

**A/N:** **Belated Merry Christmas! I know I said I would** _ **probably**_ **update before Christmas so I apologise for not living up to that half-promise :(**

 **But I'm back now! I was really busy for a long week. My dad died on the 16** **th** **of a heart attack. Ironic, huh? I'm writing a story about Emily's father having a heart attack and then this happens :-/**

 **Anyway, writing – as always - cheered me up. Most likely, this'll be the last update of 2016. The reviews from the last chapter really lifted my spirits and I hope you find time to keep leaving reviews. I love y'all!**

 ***Roughly edited***

 **X-x-x-x-X**

 **Chapter IV – The Words**

 _Alison felt a light bulb switch on inside her head. However, she didn't want to mention her brilliant idea and get Emily's hopes up._

 **X-x-x-x-X**

Emily carried the last box into the house and set it down on the carpet.

"Whew. That's all of 'em," Emily stretched and ruffled her hand through her hair, flipping it to one side.

 _Damn, it's so hot when she does that,_ Alison thought. The brunette might've known how Ali had always felt about her, but she didn't know the effect she still had on the blonde.

"Ali? Ali?" It was then that Ali realised she was getting lost in her thoughts. _Again._

"Y-Yeah? W-Wha-What did you say?" Emily chuckled at the stuttering blonde beauty.

"I asked if you could show me where the guest room is. I … don't really remember," the brunette admitted, somewhat shyly.

"Oh. Oh, right. The guest room," the blonde frowned inconspicuously. She didn't know why, but when she invited Em to stay with her, she pictured the two of them sleeping in the same bed.

"Right up the stairs, second room on your left," Ali smiled warmly.

"Thanks, I'll take the boxes up."

"I'll give you a hand," the blonde offered.

"No, really, it's fine. I'm sure you've got a million other things that require your attention," Emily laughed light-heartedly.

"Not really, but I'll get started on dinner for us both!" The blonde exclaimed excitedly, she loved cooking for other people but for the past two years, she had been making meals for no one but herself – to eat in silent loneliness. "Is half-margherita, half-pepperoni pizza still your fave?"

"Always," the brunette beams from ear to ear; Ali hadn't made her favourite pizza since they were fifteen – which was over five years ago! _She still remembers,_ she thought.

"Great. I'll make a start on that while you unpack and make yourself at home. Who knows, maybe if you're good I'll let you give me a hand with the pizza," the blonde smirked flirtatiously.

Emily grinned. "Yes, ma'am," she saluted mockingly before taking two stacked boxes up the stairway, looking back over her shoulder to get a glimpse at the adorable girl retrieving ingredients from the refrigerator and shutting it with her hip. _How is she so perfect?_

 **X-x-x-x-X**

Emily was finishing up unpacking her last box and pulled out the miniature Eiffel Tower. She placed sentimental ornament on her new bedside table ever-so delicately. Gazing at it fondly, she flashbacked to every good thing the man she was proud to call her father did, which, effectively, was everything he ever did. She had nothing but great memories of her father. The man that was taken from this Earth way too early deserved nothing but greatness in return.

Quickly dismissing any thoughts that could make her plunge into depression yet again, she shook her head and left the guest room. _Her room._

When she walked into the kitchen, she was instantly greeted with the smell of fresh margherita cheese. The sound of 'Every Breath You Take' by Denmark + Winter blasting from Ali's phone. The taste of chopped, raw red onions in the air making her eyes water profusely. The feel of a mild heat from the pre-heated oven hitting her face. Best of all, the _sight._ The beautiful sight of the gorgeous blonde from whence amazing dreams originate. She was swaying her hips to the music and swinging her long, blonde locks from side to side whilst she chopped the distasteful onions.

"Every breath you take, every move you make, every bond you break, every step you take, I'll be watching you!" Alison sang freely and loudly. _Wow, she really does have a beautiful voice,_ Emily realised.

The brunette couldn't contain the laugh that escaped her lips, startling the blonde.

"You scared me," Alison huffed, dramatically holding her hand over her heart as a grin crept its way onto her face.

"Sorry, not sorry," Emily teased, earning a playful glare from the blonde. "Why are you putting onions on a cheese and pepperoni pizza?"

"You can never go wrong with onions," Alison answered, going back to cutting the reddish-purple vegetable.

"I _hate_ onions." Emily pouted playfully, trying to add emphasis to her hatred of the benign commodity.

"Well, they're good for you," she teased back, fully aware of Emily's distaste for onions.

"You just want to torture me, don't you?"

"I have absolutely no idea what you're inferring," she smirked as she continued to tease. She topped the onions onto the pizza before placing it on the tray and sliding it into the oven. "However, _if_ that were the case, maybe it has something to do with the fact that you've spent the past …" she glanced at the clock behind her, "twenty-three minutes in your new room while your very generous new 'roommate' has been slaving away in the kitchen, making your _favourite_ food. So, _excuse_ her for putting a few harmless onions on a pizza." The blonde topped it all off with a smirk and a swift turn of her hips towards the direction of the brunette, who wore a playful frown and had her arms crossed, resting on her chest.

Emily strode forward daringly and the blonde stood her ground adamantly, her arms now crossed and a confident smile gracing her features.

"I'm gonna have to do something about that smart-ass attitude of yours, Miss DiLaurentis."

"Do your best," she pouted her lips obnoxiously and stared daringly into Emily's chocolate orbs.

Taking the blonde by surprise, Emily quickly unfolded her arms and began tickling Alison's sides mercilessly.

"I still know all your weak spots!"

"No! Emily, stop! It tickles!" Alison squealed and laughed, giving Emily nothing but pure delight.

"That's the whole point, Princess!" Alison felt a huge flutter in her chest when Emily called her 'Princess'. She didn't say it in a derogatory or mocking way. She said it as if it was normal, as if it was true. Like she believed and meant it.

"I'm not going to stop until you admit it!"

"Admit what?!" Alison giggled as she tried desperately to escape Emily's grasp.

"Admit that you put onions on _my_ pizza because you're just a big old meanie!" She demanded playfully.

"Fine! I admit it! Please let me go, Emily! Let me go!" Alison begged and Emily hummed.

Not feeling satisfied, she continued to tickle down to the blonde's hips – one of her most sensitive spots. "Nope. Not good enough. You admit what?"

"I admit it! I put onions on the pizza 'cause I'm a big old meanie! Please! Can you let me go now?!" The blonde conceded.

"I'm sorry? Whose pizza?" Emily refused to let up.

"Ugh! Fine! _Yours,_ alright?! _Your_ pizza! Happy now?"

Emily chuckled proudly, " _That's_ what I thought."

"You're ruthless!" Alison scolded playfully.

"You deserved it." She smiled.

 _"O can't you see, you belong to me,"_ the music continued to play whilst Alison tried to catch her breath.

"Now. For all the trouble you've put me through, I think you owe me a dance, Miss DiLaurentis," Emily smirked triumphantly with her her hand out, signaling for Alison to take it.

"You're so full of yourself," the blonde laughed and took her hand. As always, electricity, jolted through their bodies and goosebumps formed on their skin.

Two of their hands clasped together and bent in the air whilst Emily's other one rested on the blonde's waist and Ali's was placed on Em's shoulder. They swayed in silence to the song, occasionally locking eyes and getting lost in each other's magical swirls.

 _"Every move you make, every vow you break, every smile you fake, every claim you stake, I'll be watching you."_

 **X-x-x-x-X**

"Careful, Ali; keep making food like this and I won't ever move out," Emily joked as she stared longingly at the fresh-out-of-the-oven pizza and breathed in the aroma of melted cheese and crispy pepperoni.

Ali had just divided the ten-and-a-half-inch pizza into five evenly-cut slices. She and Emily took a seat at the kitchen island as Emily admired the blonde's culinary skills.

"I might hold you to that. It can get real lonely here," Alison admitted with a sad half-smile.

"Well, now you've got me here to double your grocery bill," Emily attempted to lighten the mood.

Alison chuckled. "Just kidding, you know I'll give you some money," the brunette smiled sincerely.

"Em, for the last time: I don't need your money; I'm your friend – your somewhat well-off friend – who is happy to help."

Emily's eyes communicated nothing but appreciation and gratefulness. "Now, are you gonna take a bite of the pizza I just made us or what?" Alison smirked.

The brunette shook her head with a smile that exposed all of her beautiful white teeth and took a hungry bite out of the pizza.

"You've got moves, by the way."

"What?" Alison's head shot up in confusion.

"Dance moves. In the kitchen back there."

"Oh, right," the blonde chuckled. "You were the one leading though."

"Yeah, you're right. It was all me," Emily chuckled obnoxiously.

Alison pouted her lips and threw a piece of pepperoni at the tanned girl.

Emily laughed so hard she thought she was going to pass out. And when she pulled the slice of meat off of her cheek – revealing a saucy red mark – Ali's laughing fit began.

"You're so gross!" Emily giggled harder.

"I'm gross? You're the one with tomato purée all over your cheek!" Ali reminded.

Emily smirked before wiping the slice of pepperoni all over her cheek once more, collecting the sauce back onto the meat and putting onto her tongue, then eating it.

"Ew! You're such an animal!" The blonde playfully scolded, even though she was kind of turned on by the slow and sensual way in which Emily ate the pepperoni.

"Hey, me and you both know-"

" _You and I_ " Alison corrected, smiling.

"Oh right, I forgot: you're gonna be an English teacher," Emily frowned in mock disgust. "Well, you and _I_ both know what I'm like when it comes to pizza."

"Yeah, you're an _animal_ ," Ali repeated.

Emily laughed once more before changing the topic, "So, do you even know if there are any vacancies at Rosewood High?"

"yeah, I've spoken to Mister Hackett. He was really impressed with my grades when I finished high school. And I told him that I was majoring in English, he said there'd be a spot available for me when I get my degree."

"That's great," Emily smiled, proud and happy for her friend. She just wished she could be as successful as Ali. Em felt as if she had wasted her two years in California, as they never amounted to anything.

Once again, though, Ali thought about her idea. She didn't want to get Emily's hopes up just yet, but she made a mental note to talk to Principal Hackett about if there are any Coaching jobs vacant at the school.

"I'm really proud of you, Ali."

"Thanks, Em."

After that, most of dinner was spent in silence as Em became focused on the amazing taste of Ali's cooking. The two girls would occasionally steal glances at each other, becoming lost in thoughts of admiration.

 **X-x-x-x-X**

Ali and Emily sat on the couch after eating to relax and watch a movie. They were buried under blanket and rested on half-a-dozen pillows. It was just like old times, when Ali would invite Em over for sleepovers. That is, when she would invite _only_ Emily over and leave out the other girls. That way, she had her girl all to herself.

 _ ***Flashback***_

 _Alison and Emily texted back and forth earlier in the day:_

 _ **Ali**_ _ **: Hey, Beautiful ;)**_

 _ **Em**_ _ **: Hi, Ali :-)**_

 _ **Ali**_ _ **: Do wanna stay at my house tonight? My parents are out, we'll have a girls night**_

 _ **Em**_ _ **: Sure :) Ill have to ask my mom but I think she'll be ok with it**_

 _ **Ali**_ _ **: Great, come over at about 6 3**_

 _ **Em**_ _ **: Ok**_

 _Emily always got incredibly nervous whenever she and Ali texted. And when the blonde called her Beautiful, she was terrified she would get too excited or panic and say something stupid. Luckily, she had managed to stay relatively casual throughout the conversation._

 _She was just glad her other three friends would be there tonight to keep her calm and collected, instead of hyperventilating._

 _ **X-x-x-x-X**_

 _Ali stared desperately at the clock as the seconds hand ticked ever so slowly clockwise. She was bored out of her mind as she sat there waiting for Emily to ring her doorbell. She wanted nothing more than to spend a night in, cuddling, watching movies, laughing, and – if she was lucky – making out._

 _She glanced out the window and saw her tanned beauty walking up to her porch. She jumped to her feet and ran to the door. She opened it right as Emily lifted her had to ring the doorbell._

 _"Hey, Em," Ali greeted excitedly with a wide grin gracing her face from ear to ear._

 _"Hi, Ali," Emily said somewhat shocked and – as usual – slightly nervous._

 _The blonde opened the door wider, gesturing for Emily to enter._

 _When the brunette walked into the living room and so none of their other friends, she got nervous again._

 _"Where are the girls?"_

 _"The girls?" Ali asked in confusion. Then it occurred to her that when she invited Em over for a girls' night, she probably thought that meant that Spence, Aria and Han would be there too._

 _"Are they not here yet?"_

 _"Oh, um … I thought you and I could just hang out tonight. I like it when it's just the two of us," the Queen Bee confessed before her mouth could stop her. She didn't why, but whenever she was around just Emily, she always ended up speaking nothing but the truth._

 _However, when Emily blushed, Alison smirked victoriously._

 _As Alison had hoped, that night consisted of watching a movie marathon together whilst holding hands, making Emily blush and get all flustered and nervous, playing games, and to top it all off: a mini make-out session in Ali's bed right before they drifted off to sleep._

 _After that, Ali and Em had many sleepovers with just the two of them and they always turned out to be some of the best nights of their adolescence._

 _ ***End of flashback***_

Neither girls noticed, but throughout the film they cuddled up to one another and their hands intertwined.

Eventually, Emily realised their position and looked down at their hands. She looked at Ali to see if she noticed too. After a few seconds, Ali turned too, looking into Em's eyes and getting lost. The movie zoned out and they went to their own little world.

As they became lost in each other's pupils, they unknowingly inched their faces closer and closer together. Just as their lips were about to touch for the first time in over two years-

 _"Don't do it!"_

The sudden loud volume of a character that was speaking in the movie broke them out of their trance and they jumped apart.

"Um, It's getting kinda late," Ali said as she stretched her arms above her head. "I'm going to head to bed."

"Uh, yeah me too. I guess," Emily murmured.

Both girls were still shocked by what almost both wanted it. Wanted it _bad._ But, as always, there was something holding them back. This time, it was nervousness and lack of confidence. Neither girl knew how the other still felt.

"Tell you what, I'll tidy up down here and you can go straight to bed," Emily offered.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, It's fine."

"'kay, thanks Em."

"Night Ali,"

"Good night, Em," Ali said before walking upstairs.

 **X-x-x-x-X**

That night, Ali lay in bed awake, struggling to sleep. She couldn't stop thinking about her moment with Emily on the sofa. She hated how it always was with the two of them. She hated how they never talk about whatever happens between them. They hadn't even mentioned their heart-to-heart throught Emily bedroom door on the day of her father's funeral.

As she poignantly reminisced on her secret moments and stolen kisses with Emily, she didn't notice that a lone tear had begun to roll down her cheek.

She heard light knocking at the door after a few minutes and wiped the tears away.

"Ali? are you asleep?" Emily whispered through the door.

Those words. _Ali? are you asleep?_

 _ ***Flashback***_

 _Ali lay on her side with her eyes closed, trying to get to sleep, but the confrontation with Mona refused to grant her mind any rest._

 _Emily was on her back, staring at the ceiling, garnering up the courage to speak._

 _"Ali? Are you asleep?" Emily finally spoke, albeit tentatively. She didn't really know what she wanted to say. She supposed she could ask if what she said earlier was true. Or if there was a chance for the two of them, either now or in the future._

 _The blonde's eyes opened when she heard the beautiful brunette's voice._

 _After a moment of silence, Emily glanced at Ali and saw no movement. She figured the blonde was asleep. However, instead of a verbal reply, Alison finally turned to face Emily, just as the brunette was about to close her eyes again._

 _The blonde hoped that talking to Emily would calm her down about the whole Mona fiasco. Besides, there was a chance that Emily wanted to talk about the two of them; Ali hoped dearly that the brunette would consider giving her a chance._

 _Both girls simultaneously turned onto their side to look at each other._

 _Their faces were less than a foot apart. Emily looked into Ali's eyes dreamily but kept drifting down her plump, heart-shaped lips, and the blonde's eyes did the same._

 _Impulsively, Emily leaned her face towards Ali's and closed her eyes, as Ali lifted her head a fraction and parted her lips for Emily._

 _The girls' lips connected in a nervous yet loving display of affection._

 _At first, Ali shut her eyes and allowed Emily to take control and she let the happiness and pleasure overwhelm her._

 _Emily rested her arm atop the duvet and massaged the blonde's luscious pink hips with her own._

 _After a moment, they pulled apart and both of them instantly craved the contact once more. Ali tried desperately to contain a whimper as she missed Emily's warm, full lips._

 _Although, not five seconds later, the tanned girl reconnected their lips. The kiss was a little deeper this time. Emily rested her hand over Ali's ear and found comfort on her beautiful blonde hair._

 _That was when Alison began to feel the need for control and she disconnected their lips for just a second to remove her hand from beneath the duvet and placed it half-over her hip and half-over the small of her back._

 _Emily's hand moved to the fairer girl's cheek as her lips pressed hungrily against hers._

 _They broke apart once more for Em to stroke the other girl's cheek and widen het mouth a little more so that she has more access to her beautiful lips. She also moved her hand further up and over Ali's silky blonde locks._

 _By now, the blonde's hand was stroking just beneath Em's left shoulder and their kiss became more heated._

 _Emily began to accept that Ali liked to be in control – even when making out – so she leaned back slowly and caressed the blonde's shoulder, neck and cheek in a single stroke. Ali edged forward until she was leaning over Emily. She enjoyed the feeling of the brunette's gentle fingers delving into her golden tresses and massaging her scalp lovingly._

 _Both of Em's hands cradled Ali's head as if it was a fragile sacred relic._

 _Ali moved her right leg over Emily's left hip as they continued to brush each other's lips with love and passion. She did the same with her other leg until she one leg beside each of Em's hips, straddling her as she leaned down to kiss the gorgeous brunette._

 _Her pale hands brushed over Emily's traps and her thumbs stroked her collar bone. Meanwhile, Emily's hands maneuvered down Alison's hourglass figure. Over her shoulders, down her back, past her womanly-shaped hips and down to her short-shorts-covered thighs. She stroked the skin of her thighs and slowly edged her way up the fabric at the bottom of the leg-area until she was firmly but gently kneading her butt cheeks._

 _Alison felt her whole body heat up and her centre became hot and wet. It was a new feeling for her. She'd had sex a couple of times before she disappeared (but not again after her pregnancy scare) but she was never necessarily aroused or turned on. Not like this, anyway._

 _She bit Emily's lip lightly, and when she gasped, she took advantage of her open mouth and slid her tongue in. For a brief moment, they fought for dominance, but Emily eventually accepted that Ali was in charge. Alison massaged her partner's tongue and roamed the inside of her warm mouth, from her cheeks to the roof of her gums._

 _Then Emily moaned. She moaned. She moaned a deep, breathy moan that vibrated Ali's tongue and excited every cell in her body. She was invigorated. She was electrified. She was exhilarated._

 _She couldn't take it anymore. She gave Emily one more deep, sloppy kiss before sitting up – whilst still straddling her – before grasping the hem of her shirt and lifting it up and over her head sensually. Emily's eyes widened and her pelvis involuntarily bucked against the blonde's centre. Alison half-moaned, half-whimpered at the feeling and ground her hips down against Emily's, earning another gasp from the brunette._

 _Emily was in a complete daze. She couldn't believe this was happening. However, when she felt Ali's nimble fingers tugging eagerly at the waistband of her shorts, she knew she couldn't let this go any further._

 _As she was panting, she gently grabbed Ali's wrists. The blonde's excited smirk turned into a confused frown._

 _"D-Did I d-do something wro-wrong?" She stammered nervously._

 _"No. Trust me, you did_ nothing _wrong," she assured with emphasis on 'nothing' because she could tell Ali might have been a bit self-conscious about her performance seeing as though she'd never been with a girl._

 _"Then why'd we stop?" She asked with lust still swirling in her dark, midnight-blue eyes._

 _"You've never been with a girl. And I don't want to push you into anything."_

 _"You're not pushing," Ali smirked as she pressed another hungry kiss against Emily's lips._

 _"I know but," Emily spoke again with a pant once they broke away for air, " I want to make sure you're emotionally ready for this, not just physically."_

 _Alison looked baffled._

 _"What I'm saying is, you might want it now, but you'll have regrets later. Trust me, I have my own regrets. Besides, I want my first time with you to be special. Do you get what I mean?"_

 _"Yeah, I get you." They looked into each other's eyes for a while until Ali finally rolled off of Em's lap and put her shirt back on. "Seriously though, Fields? You got me all fired up for nothing," Ali joked._

 _Emily laughed. "I couldn't help myself. I just wanted to talk 'til we fell asleep but then I saw your lips and I just wanted to kiss you instead," she defended._

 _Both girls giggled._

 _"Good night Ali."_

 _"Good night, Em. Guess we have a lot to discuss in the morning, huh?"_

 _Emily nodded with a light smile._

 _But did they talk? No. By the next day, it was as if nothing had happened._

 _ ***End of flashback***_

Ali remembered that night as if it was yesterday. She fell asleep to a mental replay of it every night.

When she finally snapped out of her thoughts, she wiped her fresh tears and regained some composure before speaking again in a raspy voice, "uh, yeah. Come on in, Em."

"Is everything alright?" She asked when Emily came in but just stood by the door, fiddling with her fingers.

"It's nothing ... I'm sorry, I should just go back to bed,"

She turned to leave but Ali called after her, "no, Em, it's fine! Come in."

Emily stepped in and the blonde noticed that her face was slightly dampened with sweat and her hair was messy and tousled.

"Why can't you sleep?"

"I just … I had another nightmare … . About my dad," she whispered hoarsely.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. Not really. I was just wondering if we could talk about anything else for a while," the sleep-ridden brunette said whilst rubbing her arm nervously.

"Of course we can. I couldn't sleep anyway," Alison patted the spot beside her on the bed.

Emily lay down beside Alison with her back up against the headboard.

"Why can't you sleep?"

"Just thinking about … stuff," the blonde spoke vaguely.

"Stuff?"

"It's nothing," she insisted.

"It's not nothing if it's keeping you up at …" she looked over at the digital alarm clock on the nightstand, "… two-fifty-five in the morning."

"It's just … stuff that's been eating away at me for a long time."

"You know you can tell me, Ali. You can tell me anything."

 _This is it,_ Ali thought. _This is my chance to finally talk about our history. All I have to do is be brave enough to talk about my feelings._

She turned to the brunette and gazed into her mesmerising irises of milk chocolate and coffee. One look into those adorning brown eyes and she felt as if all confidence and poise was drained from her body.

 _Come on, you're Alison DiLau-fricking-rentis! Strap on a pair!_

She couldn't do this anymore. It was time to face her fears. She had almost no-one left. She wanted Emily. She _needed_ Emily.

She diverted her eyes towards her feet poking out from under the sheets because she knew if she allowed herself to be hypnotised by Emily's eyes, she wouldn't have the courage to say what she was about to say.

"We need to talk."

"Okay. Is it about me staying here? Because I told you, I can always-" Emily assumed.

"No, It's not about that."

"Then what?" That's when Ali craned her neck slightly and Em caught a glimpse of the dried tears that momentarily became visible in the reflection of the moonlight. "Why were you crying?" Emily asked gently, knowing her friend is sensitive when it comes to her emotions.

"Because… because I hate going in this circle, over and over again?"

"What do you mean?"

"Me and you. Us," Ali paused as she sniffled. "Whenever something happens between us, it's like... we just forget about it and move on."

Emily was shocked, to say the least. Of course, she knew exactly what Ali was talking about, she just didn't expect her to confront it, let alone discuss it with her.

"I know you know what I mean."

"I do," Emily practically whispered.

"You know that I don't deal well with my emotions... So you know that it takes a lot for me to say this."

Emily nodded, encouraging her to carry on.

"Everything I told you the other day was true. When we were talking through the door at your house, everything I said was true," Alison reiterated.

At first, Emily believed everything she said that day, but after a while she was less convinced. She started to think that maybe Alison just said whatever she could to stop her from cutting herself again. Now, though, seeing how hard it was for her to admit the truth, she realised that she meant every word.

"And I figured you might not have believed me, so I wanted to make sure we don't forget it. Because what I told you was the truth... and it was hard for me. And... you asked me something that morning. But we were interrupted before I could give you an answer. Do you remember what you asked me?"

Emily nodded, recalling what she asked that morning, "I asked if you still felt that way."

"Yes," Alison stated simply.

 _What?_ Emily was completely baffled. _How could she still feel that way about me? How could anyone feel that way about me now? I'm a freak. My life went nowhere, my girlfriend got fed up with me, I got kicked out of school, and my way of coping with it? Cutting myself. How could someone like Ali – with her perfect self and her perfect life – love someone like me when she can have anyone she wants, boy or girl._

"W-What?"

"The answer's yes. I'm still... I'm still in love with you, Emily," Alison confessed in less than whisper. However, It was loud enough for her to hear. "And I'm sorry, Emily, I know I shouldn't be saying this now." _Wait, why is she apologising?_ "I know that I'm the last thing you need in your life right nowand I know that it's been years and you won't feel the same way anymore, but I just had to talk. I've been burying my feelings for twenty years and... I can't do that anymore. I'm not the cold, heartless Queen Bee anymore. It's too much work to keep pretending to be indestructible. It's time to accept the way I feel and embrace myself," Alison leaned her head back in exhaustion. It felt as if an immense weight had been lifted off her shoulders, like never before. She smiled at the care-free feeling. "I'm in love you. I always have been, and I always will be."

She turned to look at Em, who was staring into her eyes with an unreadable expression. Tears ran down her cheeks and Ali didn't know what to think.

"Em? Please say something."

 **X-x-x-x-X**

 **A/N:** **Cliffhanger! Well, sort of. I hope that was a good chapter. I also hope you enjoyed the 5x05/7x01 flashback. It was my first time writing anything sensual or quasi-smutty, please give me some feedback :)**

 **This chapter was named after a Christina Perri song. If you want to give me any suggestions for a song title to use as a chapter title, go ahead. I would appreciate it.**

 **As always, I hope you leave a review, they always cheer me up and I don't exaggerate when I say that it is what gives me the most inspiration to write.**

 **Anyway, I hope everyone had a great Christmas. Mine wasn't enjoyable for obvious reasons, but I hope everyone else's was.**

 **I guess you'll be hearing from me in the new year! Who knows, it** _ **could**_ **be sooner but I won't make promises I can't keep.**

 **Love,**

 **-W**


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